In the name of boredom

I'm sure you all can relate: sometimes you just don't remember that you used to write, or how much you liked it, or even that you had this piece of mind forever stored in the everchanging mess of cables and signals and processors.

But sometimes, you remember, and you start to read. You remember all the little thoughts you had about something that happened several years ago, or you remember your ideals, those that we give up so easily in order to, sopposedly, be happier.

I've been keeping myself from reading, because it forces me to go back in time, when my thoughts were darker and my mood was beyond black. However i truly believe that i might be able to look at the world in a different manner.

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Up there i wrote about me being happy. And that has to do with a friend, who is actually very important to me. As in, if i had rankings with my friends in them, she would be among the top three in every category. Now, is possible i am biassed, becase i also like her as a woman, however that's up to her, and since she has not shown any sign of that, i won't push the matter. On the other hand, she is special (in a good way). A long time ago i wrote here about a group of people who showed me and taught me so many things about life, God, and so much more. She was one of those. And when she came back, i kept learning. About happines. About commitment. About choices. I might have not changed much, but she's a mayor drive in my current course of life. And i actually enjoy being happy. Wich is surprising since i used to be serious all the time. Maybe all i needed was attention. Free from consequences, from manipulations, expectations. And that's how i live now. I do not expect anything. And i appreciate everything. Even bad things. I had my share of bad mood, and now i will live being grateful about everything in my life.

So, thanks, Ellen

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