Old

Every now and then I feel so old, like I've wasted my life in stupid things. Every time that happens I go out with younger people. Yes, I am that selfish. I look at them, try to understand why they say and do things, how do they enjoy something. And then I remember who I am. Who I came to be thanks to the strange past, and who I want to be because of the present. They could never live what I lived. Or think they way I do. And I'm thankful for that. But (and maybe this is wrong) I compare myself to them, and I become afraid that all the younger people in this world are like them. Funny thing, human kind always seems to be in a decadent path, and despite that we have achieved so much. So, I hope that we all can see at our past and be thankful for what we did.

Limbo

My greatest enemy: homework. I can take everything else. Impossible problems that even teachers can't solve, wrong information, lack of stable WiFi. But to do the same thing over and over freaks me out. We should have evolved by now into beings that learn in one try.

***
Concert! Yeah! Weird bands i almost never heard about! I will have to shut down the "critic" side of me to enjoy that day...  at least until i get back home :D

***
Funny thing happened at school today. My classmates wanted to leave because the teacher hadn't arrived. Almost all of them wanted to leave, but some were staying (i among them, yes i have become a nerd, yes i don't care). So, in the end, they all were waiting to see what would i do. I hate it when people look to me for answers. So, i went to ask other teachers and prefects. They told me we could leave, and we all left. It was that easy. And for half an hour, no one thought of that. I should have stayed :P

***
 Been singing this all day. I want to play it. Let's have some fun! :D

Oh surprise

First of all, a suggestion:

Have someone read to you everything you write. If you can tolerate it, then is not so bad. If you start laughing, trying to kill yourself or even think of burning your computer to stop the reading of such words, then...  well, then you have a problem. Like me.

***
I thought staying away from Facebook and 9gag would help me, besides focusing on school, in writing some more than i used to (which at some point was nothing at all). But turns out actually going to school is exhausting. I even go to bed at normal hours!

***
Thanks for the "Blue Like Jazz" book. I'm still reading it when i can, and so far is quite great. It helped me realize that i am not the only one who thinks similar thoughts. And now my mind is filled with crazy ideas. I truly wish those will endure time and become part of who i am :)

***
I like the school! And this schedule (08:30 to 21:30) really helps me with time schedule. So, once again: Thanks God :)

***
One of the things i have really enjoyed these two weeks is sing out loud while i'm walking or in public transport. Is fun, liberating, and allos me to see a different perspective on everything, from people to the nature itself.

7 days

Of struggle, desperation, hate, despair, fear, stress, and an endless, nameless amount of emotions, across the whole spectrum of what someone might feel when a new life starts. Because that's what i want to believe, that i have left behind round after round of self sabotage, self pity, depression. Now, as a friend put it, i actively go against this "need" to stand still and let mi choices escape. And i will try.

***
Not everything is bad. I am actually learning a lot more. And enjoying every single aspect of life. I still get sad sometimes, mainly because i see friends going back to mistakes, or i keep hearing people about how being stupid is super fun. I get tempted. So, i fight back. And is getting easier.

***
Doing homework...   Is a lot...   can someone help me? xD


***
I found a great song in my library. But i posted it before, so...  (time to find a good song that i like) enjoy this xD

Not so bad after all

Today i live without social networks or videogames. It will be this way until June or July. This day is a bit hard, since i keep thinking about checking the updates and other stuff, but then i realize that i chosed not to, so i browse other things instead, or start reading.

Maybe i'll lose touch with some people, but, let's be honest, if facebook is the only thing that is linking me to them, then is not a very good relationship.

I'll start a few proyects along these months, and hopefully, without distractions and a little help from my friends, i'll make it ;)

Btw, the first chapters of "Blue Like Jazz", a book, that it's been suggested to me, is quite good. Honest, just the way i like books. I think i'll start reading again. And writing. Wow, there's so much to gain when you get rid of pointless things.

Anger

There are two things that i really get mad at, christians and ignorance...   sometimes they hold hands and i forget all about "freedom of speech" or "do not censor". Is just too much for me to bear with.

Why christians? I am supposed to be one myself! So why them? Because after all these years, the honest ones are too hard to find. Everyone else just uses it as an excuse to behave different on sundays.

Why ignorance? I am quite stupid. But i acknowledge it. I an prideful, but i try to deal with it. True ignorance is when you don't know, or don't want to know. And plenty of people just live happy like that. I wonder how can someone be that way and not try to do something different.

Maybe i should just shut up and keep living my life. But turns out, people like that are the ones who lead the way for society. When did we agree on that???

Jay

Te pido perdón de antemano. Esto tal vez sea poner el dedo sobre la llaga, pero créeme que es solo para razonar conmigo mismo.

***
A veces (ahora que lo pienso, muy seguido) soy muy "directo". Entro en un tren de pensamiento y dejo de considerar el como lo entiende la otra persona con quien me comunico. Creo que a veces espero que las personas sean tan perfectas que sepan esto sin que se los diga, que aunque sea algo que toque demasiado cerca a sus propios intereses y pensamientos, se obliguen a enfocarse en mi modo de pensar. Creo que he estado equivocado. Porque siguen habiendo instantes de lucidez donde supongo que la otra persona podría interpretarlo o asimilarlo diferente. E ignoro esos pensamientos.

***
Una de mis metas es ser un ingeniero. Alguien que puede ver problemas, que tiene herramientas, e idea soluciones. Ingeniero en audio, en sistemas, civil, etc. Muchas líneas de estudio han pasado por mi mente. Pero es algo que aplico a cada aspecto de mi vida: porque no podríamos ir todos en bicicleta? porque no crear un nuevo sistema representativo para la direccion colectiva de este pais? porque no tratar de apartarse del metodo de pensamiento usual en las iglesias y sin ignorar los aciertos, aprender y mejorar?

A veces uno podría suponer que desprecio los patrones actuales, pero nada más lejos de la realidad. Busco aprender de ellos. Busco que si hay alternativas, sean al menos tan efectivas como las que ya existen. Jamas juzgaría otra aproximación o método sin haberlo probado. Y así, en mi afán de encontrar lo mejor, me olvido de un principio básico en la programación: si no esta roto, no lo arregles.

Seré honesto: cuesta trabajo oscilar con certeza entre la progresion positiva y el balance actual.

***
Y yo que estaba orgulloso de seguir la corriente sin alterarla.


***
P.D. But the thing i hate the most...  is to hurt someone with this.

Flowing with the wind :)

Muchas veces voy en el metro observando a la gente. Es la minoria la que lleva una sonrisa. Parece que todos estan tan enfrascados con sus problemas que se olvidan de ser felices. Y aunque hay motivos por los cuales yo debería de preocuparme, perfiero no hacerlo y buscar activamente ser feliz.

A veces supongo que tanta falta de interes podría perjudicarme.

Prefiero vivir con una sonrisa y tranquilidad en mi ser a dejar que mis preocupaciones me quiten aquello que me hace feliz :)

Row

Varios dias en un mismo lugar. Oscilando entre manias, arranques, imaginacion y musica.

Espero el futuro sea mas emocionante :)

Fear 4

I never listen. Even when it comes to my life being at risk, i think i already know everything. That stupid girl was not what i thought. Turns out she just wanted to meet me (not in the way we did, but it was part of her plan, and i'm happy with it). Because, you see, i am great at reading people, knowing their motives, their plans, etc. And she figured them all about me.

Now, the question is, why me? I'm not a high ranking officer on the EFF, or a super skilled hacker. So what interest could a mind able to plan with thousands of complex systems at the same time want with me? Sex and love are gone as suspects. Remains job. Yup, she wants me to make a delivery, to her father's company. From what she tells me, it has something to do with the final experiment that almost every major corporation has been trying to achieve: access to the spiritual realm.

Even if He left us, he gave us the biggest confirmation that there is something beyond our current models of the universe. There is a God, so, there are angels, demons, and every soul that already died. No one knows what is happening to them, but we surely want it like any other resource.

I guess i could convince her to tell me more about the research, but i'm not looking for amything serious. Everybody dies, and hers is a brain too wonderful to see it splashed on a wall by a granade, or cracked open with a high velocity bullet.

I guess i'll just do the job and find out along the way.